Quranic Parenting in Islam: Family is the root of a physically, intellectually, and spiritually healthy individual, and the base for a steady society, and a mature world. Therefore, Islam has made sure to look after the family, and provide it with all the guidelines that ensure its well-being, and contribute to its strength.
Through sound parenting of young children and a bright upbringing of the younger generations, families will be able to launch lively, and stronger generations into society, which will in turn help that society flourish and thrive.
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The importance of family in Islam:
In Islam, the family unit is of significant importance to the achievement of Islamic goals regarding the state of the individual and the community. Therefore, the concept of the family is repeatedly honored in the Quran and Sunnah.
Our wise prophet (PBUH) has narrated an incident of Al-Shaytan and his soldiers that reflects the importance of families in Islam: “When the devil wakes he then dispatches his soldiers and when they return to him he says to them, “Whoever misguided a Muslim today, I will crown him”. So one of them comes out and says, “I made him divorce his wife.” Another hadith says: “I made him mistreat his parents.”
1- The founding pillar of society:
Family is a founding pillar of society; so, in order to build a healthy society, Islam is aware that much work should be done at the level of a family. One way to bring family members closer is through strengthening their sentiments of responsibility towards each other.
In order to ignite the fires of responsibility between the members of a family, the prophet says in a Hadith: “A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them. A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them.”
This Hadith explains the role of men and women within a family, towards each other and their children, and makes this responsibility a normal sentiment that is non-negotiable.
2- A protection against going astray morally:
Islam considers building families a protection against going astray morally. Marriage helps men and women become more civilized and well-mannered with each other; so, it would significantly reduce the percentage of sexual harassment in a society, which would help all factions keep feeling safe and secure in society.
Through getting married, men and women are able to put the desires Allah has planted in them in the way he approves; as marriage reinforces the flourishing of a connected and communicative community.
This is clear in a Hadith of our prophet (PBUH): “O young men, those of you who can afford to should marry; it restrains the gaze and fortifies one’s chastity. Those who cannot fast; it controls sexual desire”.
3- An honorable method for preserving the humankind:
Marriage and family building is such honorable method for preserving humankind; as many creatures – including human beings – fight to go extinct, and reproduce through sexual intercourse, but what is unique about humankind is marriage and sexual intercourse becoming the key to lifelong sacred relationships, and a door towards one of the purist connections ever.
Allah has ordered us to involve sexual intercourse into a marital relationship, that ties two people before God forever, through saying a few words approved by Allah, and that bond would not get broken unless they break it and have Allah as their witness.
What are the values of family in Islam?
In Islam, the values of the family are many, but they are also innate and come naturally for most people; so, just make sure to love your family members, enjoy their company, and treat them fairly.
But just in case you are wondering, among the most important Muslim family values are: trust, compassion, support, and mutual respect.
1- Trust:
Trust is one of the fundamental qualities among family members, and it has an amazing effect in bringing people together; as it allows family members to lean on each other, and show their weakness to each other.
Honesty can feed the trust threads between different family members; as knowing for sure that they will not lie to you, keep something from you, or ever cheat you will allow you to deeply believe they are trustworthy.
2- Compassion:
Compassion comes in different shapes and acts when it comes to being compassionate with your family. Hadith Al-Kisa is proof of this; as it shows us how family members address each other in a compassionate way, greet each other in a compassionate way, comment on each other in a compassionate way, and care for each other in a compassionate way.
So, when you meet your family members around the house, have a wide smile on your face, and greet them with love and sweet words. Make sure to comment positively on whatever nice thing done by another family member for you, and sincerely thank them.
3- Support:
Show your family members that you support them at all times, and no matter what. It will definitely be reassuring to know they have got your support, and help whenever they need it.
Make sure to always reassure them that they can come to you for support even if you are upset with them, or if you are not on the best terms at the moment; because being upset with them doesn’t undo the everlasting bond between you guys.
4- Mutual respect:
Mutual respect is one of the Islamic family values that help keep the family united and doesn’t leave a chance for the Shaytan to get to you.
Mutual respect must be between all family members, regardless of their age, gender, or authoritative figure within the family. And it’s the parent’s responsibility to establish a mutual respect rule within the household by respecting their little one and teaching their kids to respect them back.
What does the Quran say about parenting?
The Quran says a lot about parenting in Islam. In fact, it offers a full guide on how a parent should raise their kid. What’s even better is it’s not in the form of rigid pieces of advice, but rather through setting an example, through Luqman and his son.
Luqman and his son:
Allah has dedicated a whole Surah in the holy Quran, and named it after Luqman, in which Luqman is actively practicing parenting, and trying to advise his son on a number of topics.
Luqman is a living example for new parents on how to approach kids, and advise them in a patient, and friendly way, instead of just giving them unexplained orders.
Through this Surah, Allah points out through the character of Luqman the most important points to teach our kids. So, make sure to pay special attention to these topics when raising your kid.
Obedience to parents in the Quran and Hadiths:
Obedience to parents is the base of safe and sound growth, and the basis of a bright upbringing as well; because at a young age, our parents have more life experience, and would guide us through all the right roads of life, offering us the core of their life experiences.
Obedience to parents is also strongly highlighted by Islam; as children are repeatedly advised and instructed to obey their parents in the Quran and Hadiths.
This is obvious the most in how Allah has singled out only one case of not obeying one’s parents, which reflects that one must obey their parents regardless of what else:
In Surah Luqman, verse 15: “But if they pressure you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of,1 do not obey them. Still keep their company in this world courteously, and follow the way of those who turn to Me in devotion˺. Then to Me, you will ˹all˺ return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do.”
The same idea was made even clearer in Surah Al-Ankabut, verse 8; as Allah Almighty says: “We have commanded people to honour their parents. But if they urge you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, then do not obey them. To Me, you will ˹all˺ return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do.”
The prophet has also stressed the importance of obeying parents, and being dutiful and filial to them: “One, who follows the orders of Allah with regards to obeying parents, shall have two doors of Paradise opened up for him. And if there happens to be only one parent, one door of Paradise shall open up for him.”
All families are destined to part in this Dunia, but in heaven there is no parting and no loneliness. So, help your family members, and always remind them that you want to be a family in heaven as well.
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